Some of you may have noticed this blog is sponsored by Heidi Cave. Heidi’s my wife and without her support I wouldn’t have found my way back to the sky to pursue my dream of becoming a professional skydiver.
In our house we believe in pursuing dreams and Heidi’s just had one of her own come true. She’s signed with a Literary Agent and a publisher to have her memoir Fancy Feet published. Here’s the synopsis:
Are you going to be a victim—or a survivor? That’s the question 23-year-old Heidi Cave had to face after a serious car crash killed her best friend, left her in a coma, burned 52% of her body, and cost her both her legs. Thrust into a world of unimaginable pain, fear and confusion Heidi struggles to piece together what remains of her life. Though determined to return to ordinary, Heidi learned to embrace the extraordinary and find within herself strength, beauty, and a relentless hope.
In celebration of Heidi’s accomplishment, I’d like to introduce you to her story through this short piece I wrote a while back that reveals how my life changed forever on June 12, 1998…
Heidi, my girlfriend of six weeks, had been in a car crash. She’d been t-boned on the passenger side of her small car by a ‘70s era muscle car travelling at over 110 kilometres per hour. Heidi’s car flew through the air, flipped into a ravine and caught fire. Her best friend was now dead and Heidi was left fighting for her life. With burns to over 52% of her body, she’d been rushed to Vancouver General Hospital.
In the VGH ER, a nurse escorted Heidi’s father and I to a small examination room. We had only known each other for a few hours, having been introduced during the forty five minute drive to the hospital, trailing well behind the ambulance that had rushed Heidi toward her best chance at survival.
The room consisted of nothing more than a blue curtain drawn across a five foot opening to hide us within three stark white walls. As we sat on the two plastic chairs pressed against the back of the tiny room, I absently gazed at dozens of dark marks on the side walls. These were undoubtedly the scuff marks left from countless children’s shoes as they took their own turn in these chairs. I imagined them kicking their feet forward and back in discomfort and nervous anticipation of the unknown, only to be scolded by their anxious mothers who rebuked them more out of habit than any real concern for the property.
There was nothing to say. No hopeful words of encouragement were applicable. We both knew we were going to receive tragic news. We were simply waiting to discover how bad it would be.
After several minutes, the curtain was drawn back and a young, kind looking Doctor entered. He introduced himself and explained that he had been examining Heidi and was responsible for deciding what immediate action would give her the best chance of survival.
“Heidi’s lower body has sustained incredible trauma.” he began, “The swelling in her legs was so severe from the burns that we were afraid it was restricting her circulation. So we cut into her legs to relieve the pressure. What we discovered is Heidi’s left leg is severely damaged but may still be useful. However, her lower right leg is damaged beyond repair.” He stopped speaking to the both of us and turned all his attention to Heidi’s father. “We believe it is necessary to remove Heidi’s right foot and part of her leg below the knee, in order to give her a chance. And we need your permission to perform the surgery.”
Heidi’s father sighed deeply. He squeezed his hands together nervously as his eyes roamed around the room, his mind searching for the correct response. His heavy German accent broke the silence, “Are there any other tests you can do? Maybe there is something that can be done.”
The Doctor’s face was clearly compassionate as he spoke, “Mr. Kroeker, forgive me for being blunt, but Heidi’s right leg is literally cooked like a piece of meat. There is nothing that can be done to save it. If we don’t remove it, it will kill her.” After a moment, he looked down at his clip board in an effort to give Heidi’s father the space he needed to make the most difficult decision of his life.
Heidi’s father turned to me, “What do you think?” The Doctor’s gaze followed.
I responded, “If it’s like he says, I can’t imagine anything else that could be done. He’s the Doctor. If it were my decision, I would let him do whatever he thinks he should do to save her life.”
Heidi’s father thought for several more seconds. “Ok.” his focus returning to the doctor “Please do whatever you can to save her.”
“We are Mr. Kroeker. We’re doing everything we can.”
The doctor held the clipboard while Heidi’s father shakily scrawled his name on a piece of paper, signing away his daughters past and preparing the way for many surgeries to come.
*******
The ICU family room wasn’t your typical waiting room. This one felt like it had been given a little more thought in design. The series of other waiting rooms that had led me to this one all felt as though they’d been added to the building as an afterthought and the space had been reluctantly conceded by the other more important parts of the building. This one was equipped for people whom would be waiting a long time. The couches and chairs felt comfortable at first but quickly lost their charm as your muscles discovered the lack of support. During the night these couches pulled out into even less comfortable beds. While the room was welcoming and warm, it ultimately failed in its efforts to conceal the fact that you were sitting in a place where death knocked often.
Heidi’s mom stood up as I entered the ICU family room. She looked worried and had been crying, which wasn’t unexpected, that’s what people do in places like this. But something was different today. Her eyes conveyed a sense of urgency. There was a question in them.
“Heidi’s awake.” She stated in her Germain accent.
“What?” I’d heard her but I needed a second to let the words sink in.
“Heidi’s awake and she won’t stop crying. You need to go talk to her.”
“ok.”
This was the moment I’d been praying for but the joy I was expecting didn’t arrive. There was nothing hopeful or triumphant about this moment. I simply found myself present in a cold reality, aware of the conversation I knew was about to take place. Were it not for love, I would have had no reason not to turn and walk away. Only love could give me the strength to walk the path appearing before me.
“The doctors turned down the drugs that were keeping her asleep. Her Dad and I tried to talk to her but she just keeps crying.”
“ok.”
The reality began to take shape in my mind. “She doesn’t know anything. She’s been lying there, unconsciously fighting for her life for every second of every day for the past two weeks.”
“I’ll tell the nurse you’d like to go in.”
“ok”
“There’s so much to tell her. Where do you start? How do you tell somebody they’ve lost everything they thought they would have forever?”
As Heidi’s mom left the room, I sat down on the small couch and stared at the floor. In just a few short minutes the door opened again as Heidi’s mom returned with one of the nurses I had come to recognize, “Hi Scott, come on in. Heidi’s awake and wants to see you.”
“ok”
As I stood up, I noticed the pile of paper cranes on the table across the family room had grown again since yesterday. Behind them, the Asian woman spoke quietly to a teenage girl as they both focused on the little birds forming in their hands. I followed the nurse out as she turned to lead me down the now familiar maze of hallways toward Heidi’s ICU room.
You can continue reading Heidi’s story in her own words on her blog, Fancy Feet
